his big hand

When Corrie Ten Boom was a little girl, her father tucked her into bed and placed his big hand on her face.  She didn't move after that, so as not to erase that feeling.  Later, in the concentration camp, she asked her heavenly Father to place His hand on her face...then she could sleep.

I am convicted again this morning to strive to reflect God's love to my children to train them to trust Axel & I, their earthly protectors, so that they can find their way when they need their heavenly Father's help.

I don't know why this is so hard for me.  Sharp words fly out when I am ragged and my selfish heart needs continuous cleansing.  I am letting go, releasing the past embarrassing, even tragic moments, living in His Forgiveness that forgets my short comings & failures.

and I'm still counting His Graces...

purple weed-flower poking over window sill
over-cast & windy day of labor in garden
play-houses spanning the entire living room, draped in cloth & peppered in dolls & playthings
not minding that it need vacuuming
surprise-child under a table, listening to audio book
a 9-yr-old that loves history
4:30 a.m. gray sky, morning star, moon sliver between tree silhouette
early morning muffins with poppy seed crunch
morning time hopefulness for the day's doings
having cleaned up a pile of stuff
seeing progress in a virtue taught
husband brute-strength help in the garden
coffee in the a.m.
tumbling diligence (because this is a virtue I struggle with)
finding our I'm low in iron (maybe that's my energy-problem?)
safe bug-spray relief
eyelet curtains made from childhood sheets, swaying in breeze
generous sister-in-law
unexpected potatoes turned out in garden toil
eldest child's first picked carrot
happy child-play noises as I arise
baby cars
children trained to give daily hugs & kisses each morning (so that they will get theirs:)

can't have one without the other

gratitudes after a hard 48 hours...
last moment with bird born on my porch
cleaning up the poop of baby birds
long-standing friendships
commitment of time
growing children, growing familiar
dealing with the differences
loving through the differences
road trip
hugging after a long separation
shared woes
doing something really, really, really hard
the something hard being over with

the relief that comes with honesty and communication
loving through ugliness
strength given when I am exhausted
adoration of husband increased even more
leadership in action
skillfulness of the tongue to guide sharp words into agreement
endurance beyond measure
hope beyond an ugly reality
our hopeless state
God's unending possibility with the willing heart
the power of prayer
loving another
being loved

not mere mortals

Why have I heard this very specific quote twice in the past month?  Divine echos- something said or seen multiple times exactly when you needed it, the Spirit relating to you exactly where you are.  How hard it has been for me to love, lately!  ...how to hold another accountable, but, yet not get entrapped myself...  We are all sinners, leaning to the light or running away from it, becoming, as C.S. Lewis would say, an "immortal horror or everlasting splendour"...

"All day long we are in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in light of these overwhelming possibilities it is with awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never met a mere mortal, Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations, these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit-- 
immortal horrors or ever lasting splendours...

I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it but because, by it, I see everything else."     
from The Weight of Glory, by C.S. Lewis