his big hand

When Corrie Ten Boom was a little girl, her father tucked her into bed and placed his big hand on her face.  She didn't move after that, so as not to erase that feeling.  Later, in the concentration camp, she asked her heavenly Father to place His hand on her face...then she could sleep.

I am convicted again this morning to strive to reflect God's love to my children to train them to trust Axel & I, their earthly protectors, so that they can find their way when they need their heavenly Father's help.

I don't know why this is so hard for me.  Sharp words fly out when I am ragged and my selfish heart needs continuous cleansing.  I am letting go, releasing the past embarrassing, even tragic moments, living in His Forgiveness that forgets my short comings & failures.

and I'm still counting His Graces...

purple weed-flower poking over window sill
over-cast & windy day of labor in garden
play-houses spanning the entire living room, draped in cloth & peppered in dolls & playthings
not minding that it need vacuuming
surprise-child under a table, listening to audio book
a 9-yr-old that loves history
4:30 a.m. gray sky, morning star, moon sliver between tree silhouette
early morning muffins with poppy seed crunch
morning time hopefulness for the day's doings
having cleaned up a pile of stuff
seeing progress in a virtue taught
husband brute-strength help in the garden
coffee in the a.m.
tumbling diligence (because this is a virtue I struggle with)
finding our I'm low in iron (maybe that's my energy-problem?)
safe bug-spray relief
eyelet curtains made from childhood sheets, swaying in breeze
generous sister-in-law
unexpected potatoes turned out in garden toil
eldest child's first picked carrot
happy child-play noises as I arise
baby cars
children trained to give daily hugs & kisses each morning (so that they will get theirs:)

9*1*1

 They take so much energy-
suck the life, it seems, of me;
me, who wants to do my own will...
dead to the joys at the end of my fingertips,
the blessed potential in each of these, if only-
I could see.
How to make myself stop, put aside my whims,
open blinded eyes and SEE?

 Today, a little girl at the park, in the hands of her auntie, went limp.
Many images play in the head while waiting for paramedics...
the mother who called her daughter a "fool",
the father who didn't want to push his 2-year-old son on the swing,
("play by yourself, or we'll leave"),
the mommy who would rather leave her child to drink with a girlfriend.

This auntie stuck out to me because she smiled at the child
and made the tire swing twirl and rise, sending gleeful shouts of joy.

She is better now, but I am changed.

I drive my three home, bathe them alone, sing & pray & tuck into bed.
I want to bring the shouts of joy,
I want to love them as I am loved by my playful Father,
who delights in me even though I stumble in this parent walk,
who forgives and teaches me gently (sometimes sternly)
and wants the Best for me.

Teach me to be what I need to be for these three,
my precious ones that help me to grow and change for the better.

can't have one without the other

gratitudes after a hard 48 hours...
last moment with bird born on my porch
cleaning up the poop of baby birds
long-standing friendships
commitment of time
growing children, growing familiar
dealing with the differences
loving through the differences
road trip
hugging after a long separation
shared woes
doing something really, really, really hard
the something hard being over with

the relief that comes with honesty and communication
loving through ugliness
strength given when I am exhausted
adoration of husband increased even more
leadership in action
skillfulness of the tongue to guide sharp words into agreement
endurance beyond measure
hope beyond an ugly reality
our hopeless state
God's unending possibility with the willing heart
the power of prayer
loving another
being loved

regrets

cloudy skies and still counting gratitudes...

forgiveness and freedom from guilt
letting go and letting God
prayers, heard
kindred friend lunch date
seeing help needed before asked
friendly children
figuring out something tough
a quiet time without end (kids are at grandma's)
Wisdom in His Word
hearing husband on phone after absence
being loved
deep wine-colored geranium surprise
forgotten purple cone flowers from seed
child voice on phone
timely encouragement
a treadmill when it rains
unending fresh water to drink
Spirit help when in need
favorite quotes found after absence
creating order
friendly neighbor chat
shining eyes
cat song
unexpected chicken...again
dishes, cleaned
making cookie dough
getting sleepy
clean sheets
the sound of a bath being run
nested baby bird show outside my window